How I Need Some Positive Thinking

One Day...

I have gained this week. I don’t know why. Bar going out last weekend, it’s been an ok week I guess. No heating has made me want to eat to get warm! But apart from that..who knows. Portion control and walking the dogs are my buzz actions for the coming week.

I enjoyed seeing the old Team Squuures last night. Always a pleasure! Slow’s all engaged, Are Ya Well is fabulous as always and SWill…..legend. End of.

However the photos of me are truly horrible. I can’t get my head around the fact that what I see in the mirror is not what I present to the world.

At home my hair looked lustrous and bouncy, in the photos it looks lank and knotty. My face has gotten so fat and it’s just horrible. I need to get it into my head that I do  actually look like the picture I have of me in my head. And I need to do something about this!

This week I shall mostly be working. However Without A K provides some light relief. 2 wedding weekend again, but then it will only be a week till I am off. 2 weeks today I will be in the heavenly bliss of the Lake District which is certainly something that I am counting down to. I really hope that I get to spend more time up there this year. It soothes me.

Just a quick post tonight, 12 hours sleep in 48 is catching up with me…I so can’t wait to hit that snooze button on Tuesday morning!

Zx

Loving: This ladys music, why isn’t there anywhere up here that has vintagey old-fashioned parties?! This song in particular is ace.

Silver Lining:If it hadn’t been for this in the last week I would not have survived.

Crushington City: Uhhhhh well…yuh huh duh chuh! Obviously. Also this was sent to me by an old friend and really made me chuckle!

Weekly mwah mwahs: BFF (you know I’m here xx), Patsy (Power Ballads without me and I still love ya), BFFSIL (big things coming your way), SeeJayGee (#newgirlfriends!), Mrs T2B (yaaaaaaaaaaay new housie!), WonderWifey (Just..cuz.). Oh and small loves to Grumpy Bear (I may have found a you work replacement, only taken me a year!)

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How I Realised I Am Only 26

I have enjoyed the last week. To an extent. Going back to work was a bit laborious but am off tomorrow so I plan on doing nothing all day!

I went out last night in town. I vowed after the Christmas Eve Eve debacle that I would not be going out in Preston for a considerable amount of time, but after last Friday with Bro and his friends when I really enjoyed myself I decided that I needed to branch out and be a normal 26 year old.

For the most part I really enjoyed last night. It was lovely to be with my friends and catch up, we haven’t been out in ages. I got to have a huge heart to heart with someone that maybe I don’t know as well as I should and it was really therapeutic. This was after an angry stomp to get away from a situation that was making me ridiculously het up.

I love my girlfriends; I would do anything for them. But for some reason I just don’t really get on with girls that well. I have a few girl friends that have been in my life for a long time and that ill never change. But I always fall out with those who  maybe haven’t been there for that long. Hence why I tend to move through friendship groups at a lightening speed.

Life is so much easier with lads – there is no underhanded-ness, there is no backstabbing, no double meaning, no talking behind their backs. Sure most men are worst gossips than girls but it isn’t malicious, just being nosey.

I reached the end of the road last night and I think I will have to draw a line under that part of my life. It’s sad, but I’m not going to waste my time with people who make me feel like shit and undermine me at every opportunity. I may have less people on my team, but at least I know they are people who would do anything for me.

I have lost 3.5lbs this week – back on track woohoo! I can kind of feel a difference in my clothes but I don’t know if I am willing myself to feel differently rather than it being genuinely true. People told me last night that I look great and that I don’t need to do what I am doing to validate myself but as I have said before that is not the reason I am doing this.

I’m scared that I will end up living alone with a thousand cats, 30 stone and unable to move. I don’t want that life for myself, I want to be able to run up the stairs to grab something or dance on a night out without getting out of breath. I don’t want to have a heart attack or be diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes because I am overweight. I have no intention of being super skinny, far from it, I just want my BMI to be in the healthy range and at the moment I have a way to go. I’ll get there though.

This week I don’t have that much planned. I’m booking a hotel for Amsterdam tomorrow with BFF, how bloody exciting. Then working all week, 2 wedding weekend the first of the year. Brilliant! But the highlight of my week has to be the thought of a seemingly annual Team Squuures night out on Saturday. Moving up the world we are visiting Forum..oo er?!

Ranting over. Next post more fluffy bunnies..promise.

Zxx

How A Week Makes A Difference

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power – Alan Cohen

So I have just had 9 days off from work, diet..life. I have loved it. I have spent time with my fabulous family, namely in the Motherland of Welsh Wales with my Nannie, my heroine and idol. I had a great time catching up and “potchin’” with her. It came and went all too soon, it’s like a haven down there and I love it.

I also got to catch up with Mrs T2B and spoke at length about the total jealousy that I have going on in regards to her and Mr T moving into their new house in just over a week’s time. She is desperately trying to convince me that I would be able to afford to do the same, alas, until I have a lot more money coming in this is not something that will be on my horizon in the near future. Part of me thinks “Fuck it, just go and rent, it’s good enough for the French…” but then it’s the whole thing of owning a piece of bricks and mortar. Meh. I don’t know.

My mum and I (and my dad) have spent the best part of 2 weeks trying to keep my brother from finding out we were throwing him a small soiree for his birthday (and to cheer him up a little). This happened on Friday night and bravo to everyone involved he didn’t have a clue. His friend, S#2, took him up the road for a pint and my parents jollied around getting furniture out fo the way – I was obviously preening and pampering as I need AT LEAST an hour for full shower hair and make up sesh!

Everyone had arrived and as always congregated in the kitchen, whilst we waited for my dad to arrive back with the boys. In the worst move in surprise party history, we hadn’t anticipated what to do when he actually walked in. So we ended up just standing there in silence as he walked in, said “What the fuck?!” and then walked round and said hello to everyone. AWKWARD TURTLES ALL ROUND!

The awkwardness aside I ended up having a really good time. Got to spend time with family friends and the BFF (wish you’d come out with up 😦 ) and see my brother genuinely made up that people had bothered to take the time to do this for him. I went out with him, his friends and one of their girlfriends, town was dead and I had a fantastic night. Desperados and Jagerbombs all round….ahem. Hopefully I’ll be able to join them again soon.

This week I have let go. I have eaten and drunk whatever the hell I wanted, not only because it’s my holiday and I’ll do what the bloody hell I like but also because I wanted to see what would happen. I have put on 5 pounds – nearly half of what I had lost. This is gutting, but what I expected.

I will be continuing on Monday, firstly with a goal to lose that 5lbs, but also I would like to have lost 1 stone 9lbs by 17th March..I know that seems a weird figure but it would mean I’m in the next “band” if you will, it’s a goal anyway.

Even though I have been doing this for 5 weeks now, I don’t physically look like I’ve lost that much. I think because I was a stone heavier to begin with than the last time I started a program, hopefully I will now start to see a difference.

Buying size 20s in Primark does not encourage the healthy lifestyle, but buying a top from Miss Selfridge that I wore on Friday was certainly encouraging. This is why I don’t judge my weight loss on clothes fitting me as some of my friends do – one day I’m a 14 the next I’m a 20 – how is that even possible?!

Onwards, to the next stage. Back at work tomorrow. Hopefully with a more positive attitude than when I left a week last Friday 🙂

Zx

Song for today – My Boo, Friends. Getting obsessed with this band, they really remind me of Do Me Bad Things. And this cover version is faboooosh.

Video of the day – In honour of the Superbowl

Requests – Grumpy Bear pleeeeease lets catch up, Patsy another night like last Saturday please (champagne bar and m20? YES!), BFF book a hotel for Amsterdam!!!

Love Love Love – This whole trend (thanks BFFSIL!)

xxx