How The Mighty Have Fallen

 And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am – Michelle Obama

I am not an easy person to get on with. You have to work your ticket with me. I don’t like to waste my time with people and as such I have a slight reputation for being a bitch. It was well known at my old place of work that I didn’t bother with anyone new until they’d been there at least a month; my attitude was (and if I’m brutally honest still is) if you aren’t going to stick around then why should I spend time getting to know you?

I have quite a list of people that I have fallen out with over the years. Some stand out more than others. All were female – go figure. I love my girlfriends but its I’m definitely a girl who gets on better with boys. I miss my boys now I don’t see them as much anymore, but all the better when we do get to catch up.

High school was pretty rubbish, so “not me”. All girls, all high achieving and fiercely competitive. I fell somewhere in the middle, I wasn’t naughty so wasn’t on teachers radars, yet wasn’t the cleverest so again they weren’t that bothered with me. Coupled with living 20 miles away (which seems nothing now but at the time an hour on a bus was too far for a social life!) I just hated my time there.

I did meet some lovely girls and now and again I do wish I’d kept in contact with more of them but when I left I pretty much severed all contact with everyone I knew there. Bar bumping into people in random places from time to time and being “Facebook Friends” with a few it’s a part of my life that just isn’t on my radar anymore.

There was one girl, however , that I will never forget. No matter who I tried to be friends with she was always flitting around. She supposedly was getting jiggy with an older married man, which now seems ridiculous, but she was just always there undermining me.

And I hated her. Like really really hated her, it got to a point where I couldn’t even speak to her which was hard when we had every class together. She was one of the main reasons I left to go to another school for 6th form.

 Imagine my delight walking into my local last week and seeing her working behind the bar…as my mum loves to say “bide your time..they’ll get theirs”. And it looks like she has! The joy I got in seeing her there was indescribable. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what she was doing there, whether it was a second job or her only job, but for once it wasn’t me to whom people were saying “So…what do you want to do in life?” (as I was so frequently asked at the restaurant!).

This post is turning into quite the hateful rant so time for a bit of love..if it hadn’t been for a small group of friends who adopted me I wouldn’t have survived. “The Broughton Girls” as they were lovingly known really did change my mid teen years; if it wasn’t for them I’d have been so unhappy.

But thanks to the endless sleepovers at GB and BFF’s houses and birthday parties at Guys Court and of course the infamous party to celebrate the end of GCSEs where someone ended up in a pond I muddled through and headed off the 6th form with them a happy little ZD.

Fast forward to uni and my ex housemate. How I fell into the same group as this girl I will never know, she was hideous. But I couldn’t break away from her. It makes me really sad that because of the breakdown in our relationship I don’t speak to the girl who was the first proper friend I made at Loughborough. She caused trouble wherever she went, she broke up friendships, she cheated on her boyfriend and had us all cover for her, she changed people.

However because of this grotbag I have my London Ladies who I adore and again they were my sanctuary. So every cloud I guess…last I heard she was working in a dead end job and leeching off the boyfriend she is still with, having never graduated from uni. Bravo.

What I’m trying to say is that even if I sometimes seem abrasive, I’m rarely wrong about people. If I get a weird vibe off you, I will back away because I know at some point you will cause me trouble. I used to be all about the drama, but now I just want an easy life with lovely people, and this means not cluttering my world with toxic friendships.

It’s been a while since someone like this entered my life; I like to think it is because my radar is so finely tuned (but it’s more likely because I haven’t met anyone new for a while!). Whoever crosses me will get theirs. Often with very little meddling from me.

Today has been a good day. I have baked a cake, my favourite hobby. I also have the joy of another day off tomorrow and a Saturday night off. Not much more I could ask for! No walking today as it is a rest day but I’ll be back on it tomorrow. First weigh in on Sunday – my beef stew went down rather well this evening lets hope I can stay away from the pie at the meal out tomorrow night!

Off to torture myself with Celeb Big Bro now, what Z listers are in it this year?!

Schnogs

Zx

Lovely People: Granny Pants, Beav, Li’l J (We will talk soon I promise!), huge loves to BFf today xoxo

Nostalgic For: House parties and punch

Daily Lust: Gotta be Douglas Booth, even though he is just a baby..(coughdewgarcough)

Music for the moment: Right Back Where We Started From, Maxine Nightingale

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How I thought things would be different

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it-Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

When I was little, I was certain that I would have a house at 24, be married when I was 25, kids by 28, the cookie cutter 1950’s existence by the time I was 30. That’s what my parents’ lives panned out to be, why on Earth would mine be any different? How wrong I was!

I’m 26. I live at home. I am nowhere near meeting “the man of my dreams” (and to be honest…I’m ok with that). I do have a career but it is most definitely in its infancy. As for kids..no thanks. I’ll be ok without. For now at least anyway. Or the foreseeable future.

It definitely appears, from what I see at work at least, the average age of couples getting engaged to be married (not engaged to be engaged which is a whole other situation that really annoys me!) is getting older. I think there was one couple in the 30 odd that I saw get married last year that were younger than me. This made me feel a whole lot better about myself and my situation!

Of course I have planned my dream wedding (French château, walking through vines, everyone staying for a week, lots of wine – bliss), but when I actually sit and think about it I’m not altogether sure I will ever get married. I don’t know why, it’s just not something that’s on my radar. I can imagine the wedding..just can’t imagine me being there. Weird huh?!

On a side note when I was little I also thought I would be a clown when I was a grown up, make of that what you will. Has anyone followed their dreams through from when they were little? I highly doubt it. Live for the moment, not for the future – you never know what’s around the corner.

Today has mainly been fun, working with Beav always is. Until I realised the one thing I needed to do hadn’t been done, I’m off for the next two days (maybe a trip to Manchester….hint?) and I had 45 minutes before I might have to go into extra time. I roped Beav into helping me and together we managed to finish – THANK YOU!

We bonded today, me and Beav. Was larvely J I hope I wasn’t too honest with you-it was all meant with love *mwah*. As LoughboroughZoe™ used to say, “I’m not a bitch, I’m just blunt”. I guess TodayZoe™ lives by the same phrase. That and saying genuinely in an Aussie accent far too often.

Curried parsnip soup was the order of the day – so yummy. Homemade by my mummy’s fair hands and rice cakes to accompany (ugh like eating cardboard – the soup definitely helped!) Standard pud and home to 2 dogs sat patiently, how can they know in 3 days of doing this that when I get home from work we go for a walk?! Dylan was struggling on the second loop but I think that he is just a wimp in the wind and the rain!

Broski found out his knee is a lot worse than he thought so I met him on my way back with a pizza in hand -well jell! At least he didn’t eat it in front of me.

I know this post has been a bit rambling, feeling a bit anti computers today. Hmm. Beav has asked me to design some posters for her shop that’ll be fun. Send me the info over asap lady.

Tomorrow should be interesting – baking a cake for my Grandma’s 81st birthday. She was kinda out of it for her 80th last year so this year is 80 mk 2. Out for a meal with the family but she needs a cake and I got a shed load of baking stuff for Christmas so time to use is.

Only this time I can’t eat the baking mix as I go along (scientific purposes, obv) but anyway there’ll be more for everyone else. Any cake ideas heeeeugley appreciated.

All in this entire whole thing is going fairly ok. I was looking at old photos today. Equally shocked and pleased with the yoyo weights I have been over the years. Here’s to not being like July 2007 again, and bring on February 2008 and/or July 2009. Please?

Kisses for all

Zx

Daily schnugs to: Tails (totes a fisher. Goon), Beav (Funky TEEEA), Granny Pants (miss you), Li’l J (Get in my life)

#overheard: “Look at all the Ryvita crumbs hiding in my crack!”

Craving: The chocolate fudge cake (Lathams of course, had to be) that is sat in the kitchen just one room away

Film of the moment : The Family Stone – purely for Luke Wilson

Song of the day: Funky Town, Lipps Inc

How My Friends Constantly Surprise Me

“Compared to friendship, gold is dirt”

 

 I consider myself inordinately lucky to have my friends. I have little pockets scattered everywhere and it is pretty much ace. Not only that, but they continue to surprise me.

Take the one I work with who text me at 9pm this evening to ask if I’d like some porridge tomorrow for breakfast when we get into the office because she knows how I’m always running late (10 minutes late this morning – damn the kids being back at school and the bloody A6) and never have time for breakfast.

Or the one who signed my Christmas card xoxo Gossip Girl because of our mutual love for it. And there’s the one who has given me practical advice on the world of running without being horrendously patronising, the other one who came up with the TomScale™.

The one who introduced me to the other meaning of the word “juice” and the one who knows why Booths in Windermere is heaven.

None of the above will mean anything to anyone, but it all means something to me. Snippets of my life that stick in my head. I am not the most sociable of people (trying to improve this!) and I know that quite a lot of the time the excuse of work may not sit that well but it is the honest truth! I don’t even see my own house for as many hours as I would like a week!

What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry if it seems that sometimes I take our friendship for granted. I don’t. I just find it hard to show my appreciation sometimes – please take all of the above as a love letter to you, my friend. I love you, appreciate you, miss you and want to see you a whole lot more in 2012.

Today has been hard mainly because (and this sounds ridiculous) of the weather. The office at work is small and has windows 2 sides meaning with the weather warning worth gales on the Fylde coast it felt like we were on the inside of a washing machine all day.

This coupled with a freezing cold hall in which to eat our lunch meant that more than anything I wanted to be snacking on some rocky road bites from Tesco – I have become very familiar with the world of Tesco Express since I started working where I do.

I didn’t succumb though and stuck with my emergency satsumas. I managed to grab some porridge today because my lovely Mummy J was off work and made me some brekkie. (Yes I live at home, call my mother Mummy and I fricking love it). As previously mentioned the traffic was horrendous, but I got to work and was busy all morning.

Lunch was very cold but warmed up with some of the stew from last night and the standard banana and yoghurt pudding. I flew out of the door at 7 to come home to the 2 waiting pooches (sooo cute!)

Pushed myself out of the door to go on a walk – twice round the block today so walked for half an hour. I didn’t run today because a good friend has told me not to go too extreme so I will continue to run a day walk a day until I feel confident enough to run continuously.

Chilli for tea which was amazing. Still got some allowance left so thinking some rice pud next!

I know it’s pretty boring reading about my meals every day but I need to write them down otherwise I know I’ll begin to not record and cheat!

Have planned my first weekend off of the year at the end of the month – moving to Manchester for the weekend to be taken to the wilds of West Dids. How good a time I’ll allow myself to have will depend on my progress with this health kick!

Thank you so much for reading this and for the continued messages of support, it means the world to me and I will try and be funnier in the posts to come, with maybe some things to entertain!

It’s far too late for me to be up and I’ve just wasted an hour of my life watching the TV show “The Bank Job”, so time for me to head to my bed. Although….a Luke Wilson film has just started on Sky..hmm…tempting….

In the worlds of the mum of the BFF – I’ll see you Anon

Zx

Daily Loves go to – The Grumpy Bear, Li’l J, BFF, BFFSIL, Geeeeraffe

Favourite Hashtag of the Last 24 hours – #desribeyoursexlifewithamovie

Looking forward to – a catch up with a lovely little bundle of Bristolian-ness

Missing – old friends and bygone friendships

Wishing – I had some plans for the next few weeks!

Song of the day – Call It What You Want– Foster The People

How My First Day Went

“Calling someone fat doesn’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. All you can do in life is try and solve the problem in front of you” – Mean Girls  (Just for you CL)

 

First of all, it was very remiss of me to forget to thank you for taking a few minutes of your time to read my musings on life. I hope that it doesn’t make you think any differently of me, but maybe it will help you understand me a little more!

So onwards. Today, Monday 2nd January 2012, has been the first day of the rest of my life (I hope). It did not start well. I overslept, meaning my well planned breakfast of porridge and banana had to fall by the way side and be replaced by a coffee to go (in my lovely new thermos) and a banana on the run. It is not easy to drive with a thermos and a banana in a Ford Ka with no cup holders. I will not be doing it again.

Luckily I had quite a lot to do at work as we were shut yesterday, so my mind was kept off lunch until I had to head out to but tealights of all things (for a show round that then promptly cancelled!) I got back to work and couldn’t hold out any longer so called lunch time. Jacket potato and beans followed by some gorgeous limited edition yoghurt thing, seriously yummy! Sounds like a pretty decent lunch and it would have been had it not been for the fact that the microwave at work is temperamental at the best of times, so eventually I chowed down.

 It’s amazing, normally because I go for the faster food option I am hungry but 4pm but because I took my time I was good till I got home from work. I also had my trusty bag of satsumas by my side all day so if I did want a snack I could, but I only had one mid-morning.

When I got home, my lovely mummy was waiting with 2 gorgeous dogs ready to be walked. I quickly got changed, grabbed my iPod, my pristine trainers that have never seen a pavement in their life and an overly excited Bertie Dog. Off we went “round the block”. We walked the whole way at a fairly brisk pace and it took us 15 minutes. I then dropped the dog off and carried on with my iPod and the podcast I downloaded last night which aims to increase your running stamina. I found it enormously helpful however my stamina is awful!! I didn’t finish the recording, but I know where I had to stop, and next time I go out with it (Wednesday) I know where I have to push past.

I haven’t eaten my evening meal yet, but it is chicken stew thing which is basically a thick chicken soup in the way it has been made. I also always need bread with this dish, but it’ll be fine!

I have also downloaded “My Fitness Pal” for my phone, writing down everything that I am ingesting is massively eye opening especially as all the calories are there in black and white. For instance when I roughly added together yesterdays food without alcohol included I was 250 calories over my daily intake without factoring in the chocolates or wine I had consumed. I currently have 668 calories left for the day which is nice to know!

I had quite a few messages from some friends yesterday saying that they never knew I had ever felt the way I do, or congratulations for putting myself out there. I have to make it clear that I am not unhappy or sad in myself, only with the way I look which I know is rather shallow of me, but hey who cares. I’m doing this for myself, no one else, which hasn’t really happened before. I want to keep a record so when I have a bad day I can go back to a good day and see what I need to do differently.

To place the quote I have used for today’s post into my life, the problem in front of me is a life of struggling to run up the stairs or dash to the kitchen at work when someone has the wrong starter at work. I need to do this to change my life and my outlook on life.

As for “putting myself out there”, even after one post I felt liberated – I would recommend this blogging lark to anyone, even if it is anonymous and no one reads it, you are putting your feelings out into the universe which means that they are the universe’s problems to deal with and not yours anymore.

Onto a night of Carry On and Made In Chelsea. Spencer YES!

Zx

Loves to my peeps: CL, the Policeman, Rancid, Beav, BFFSIL and Granny Pants

Hoping: #raveinacave is when I’m off work

Hating: how the temperature has dropped – socks AND tights tomorrow at work I think!

Wishing: I had something planned for the time I have just booked off

Needing: to buy tickets for my trip to LDN in March (I promise I’ll bring both shoes this time)

Song for the day: Hip To Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News