How In 11 Months Time…

…I’ll be glad I started today.

Once more, dear friends, once more into the breach I go. Weight watchers this time, in order to feel fabulous for Little J (not so little anymore she growed up..and soon to be Mrs J. Or S. Weird!) and her Willie’s wedding. I was hit with the blinding realisation last night that this momentous occasion is 11 months to this very day and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the token fat one yet again. I have put on all but 2.5lbs of the weight that I lost in the first few months of the year. Tut Tut ZD, Tut Tut.

2 weeks ago me, Mrs T2B and Long Distance Bridesmaid headed to the fair (not so fair on this particular day) city of  Manchester to try on some bridesmaids dresses. It wasn’t to fine “the one”, per say, but to find a style that will suit all of the girls. I’m the shortest and biggest, LDB is probably the tallest and around the same dress size as 2 of the others. So it’s no mean feat trying to find a style that suits us all!

Something to think about Mrs T2B!

Yes there are 18 months to go before Mrs T2B marries the wonderful Mr T, but it’s never too soon to start. What the day held in store was laughs (satin is a no go for everyone), disappointment (bridesmaids dresses that aren’t satin are hard to find and black is nigh on impossible) and, on my part, frustration. I lost count of how many times I said “Well, I’ll try it on to give you an idea but it wont fit me”. Not one dress that I tried on would do up. And I had the super attractive nude sucky inny pants on. Mortifying.

This occasion calls for really big knickers

I know that it’s all my own doing. I know that I am lazy and that I need to make positive changes. Which I am now doing. Mrs T2B has lost a phenomenal amount of weight for the amount of time she has been on WW (please don’t go too far..) and looks fabulous, BFF has done the same, now it’s my turn. 3 years ago, at G’s 21st I look so happy, this is what I need to get back too – goodbye land of photos taken from above to hide the double chin, see ya putting cushions in front of me when I sit down, sayonara wearing blazers everytime I go out just so no one sees my arms. I am done.

So. I will be updating this more regularly, with a post every Tuesday to see how I’m getting on, then daily posts with little things that have made me smile or kept me going. These will be themed..I’ll have to get thinking of some witty names!

Matthe McConaughey. Why the hell not.

Failure to Launch is on, what a film.

Anywho. Manchester on Friday woo-ahoo! 14 days till holidays woo-ahoo! Then it’s Lakes, Ball, Lakes, BarBeDew…fabulous darling.

TTFN

Zxxxx

How I Need Some Positive Thinking

One Day...

I have gained this week. I don’t know why. Bar going out last weekend, it’s been an ok week I guess. No heating has made me want to eat to get warm! But apart from that..who knows. Portion control and walking the dogs are my buzz actions for the coming week.

I enjoyed seeing the old Team Squuures last night. Always a pleasure! Slow’s all engaged, Are Ya Well is fabulous as always and SWill…..legend. End of.

However the photos of me are truly horrible. I can’t get my head around the fact that what I see in the mirror is not what I present to the world.

At home my hair looked lustrous and bouncy, in the photos it looks lank and knotty. My face has gotten so fat and it’s just horrible. I need to get it into my head that I do  actually look like the picture I have of me in my head. And I need to do something about this!

This week I shall mostly be working. However Without A K provides some light relief. 2 wedding weekend again, but then it will only be a week till I am off. 2 weeks today I will be in the heavenly bliss of the Lake District which is certainly something that I am counting down to. I really hope that I get to spend more time up there this year. It soothes me.

Just a quick post tonight, 12 hours sleep in 48 is catching up with me…I so can’t wait to hit that snooze button on Tuesday morning!

Zx

Loving: This ladys music, why isn’t there anywhere up here that has vintagey old-fashioned parties?! This song in particular is ace.

Silver Lining:If it hadn’t been for this in the last week I would not have survived.

Crushington City: Uhhhhh well…yuh huh duh chuh! Obviously. Also this was sent to me by an old friend and really made me chuckle!

Weekly mwah mwahs: BFF (you know I’m here xx), Patsy (Power Ballads without me and I still love ya), BFFSIL (big things coming your way), SeeJayGee (#newgirlfriends!), Mrs T2B (yaaaaaaaaaaay new housie!), WonderWifey (Just..cuz.). Oh and small loves to Grumpy Bear (I may have found a you work replacement, only taken me a year!)

How I Realised I Am Only 26

I have enjoyed the last week. To an extent. Going back to work was a bit laborious but am off tomorrow so I plan on doing nothing all day!

I went out last night in town. I vowed after the Christmas Eve Eve debacle that I would not be going out in Preston for a considerable amount of time, but after last Friday with Bro and his friends when I really enjoyed myself I decided that I needed to branch out and be a normal 26 year old.

For the most part I really enjoyed last night. It was lovely to be with my friends and catch up, we haven’t been out in ages. I got to have a huge heart to heart with someone that maybe I don’t know as well as I should and it was really therapeutic. This was after an angry stomp to get away from a situation that was making me ridiculously het up.

I love my girlfriends; I would do anything for them. But for some reason I just don’t really get on with girls that well. I have a few girl friends that have been in my life for a long time and that ill never change. But I always fall out with those who  maybe haven’t been there for that long. Hence why I tend to move through friendship groups at a lightening speed.

Life is so much easier with lads – there is no underhanded-ness, there is no backstabbing, no double meaning, no talking behind their backs. Sure most men are worst gossips than girls but it isn’t malicious, just being nosey.

I reached the end of the road last night and I think I will have to draw a line under that part of my life. It’s sad, but I’m not going to waste my time with people who make me feel like shit and undermine me at every opportunity. I may have less people on my team, but at least I know they are people who would do anything for me.

I have lost 3.5lbs this week – back on track woohoo! I can kind of feel a difference in my clothes but I don’t know if I am willing myself to feel differently rather than it being genuinely true. People told me last night that I look great and that I don’t need to do what I am doing to validate myself but as I have said before that is not the reason I am doing this.

I’m scared that I will end up living alone with a thousand cats, 30 stone and unable to move. I don’t want that life for myself, I want to be able to run up the stairs to grab something or dance on a night out without getting out of breath. I don’t want to have a heart attack or be diagnosed with Type 2 diabetes because I am overweight. I have no intention of being super skinny, far from it, I just want my BMI to be in the healthy range and at the moment I have a way to go. I’ll get there though.

This week I don’t have that much planned. I’m booking a hotel for Amsterdam tomorrow with BFF, how bloody exciting. Then working all week, 2 wedding weekend the first of the year. Brilliant! But the highlight of my week has to be the thought of a seemingly annual Team Squuures night out on Saturday. Moving up the world we are visiting Forum..oo er?!

Ranting over. Next post more fluffy bunnies..promise.

Zxx

How A Week Makes A Difference

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power – Alan Cohen

So I have just had 9 days off from work, diet..life. I have loved it. I have spent time with my fabulous family, namely in the Motherland of Welsh Wales with my Nannie, my heroine and idol. I had a great time catching up and “potchin’” with her. It came and went all too soon, it’s like a haven down there and I love it.

I also got to catch up with Mrs T2B and spoke at length about the total jealousy that I have going on in regards to her and Mr T moving into their new house in just over a week’s time. She is desperately trying to convince me that I would be able to afford to do the same, alas, until I have a lot more money coming in this is not something that will be on my horizon in the near future. Part of me thinks “Fuck it, just go and rent, it’s good enough for the French…” but then it’s the whole thing of owning a piece of bricks and mortar. Meh. I don’t know.

My mum and I (and my dad) have spent the best part of 2 weeks trying to keep my brother from finding out we were throwing him a small soiree for his birthday (and to cheer him up a little). This happened on Friday night and bravo to everyone involved he didn’t have a clue. His friend, S#2, took him up the road for a pint and my parents jollied around getting furniture out fo the way – I was obviously preening and pampering as I need AT LEAST an hour for full shower hair and make up sesh!

Everyone had arrived and as always congregated in the kitchen, whilst we waited for my dad to arrive back with the boys. In the worst move in surprise party history, we hadn’t anticipated what to do when he actually walked in. So we ended up just standing there in silence as he walked in, said “What the fuck?!” and then walked round and said hello to everyone. AWKWARD TURTLES ALL ROUND!

The awkwardness aside I ended up having a really good time. Got to spend time with family friends and the BFF (wish you’d come out with up 😦 ) and see my brother genuinely made up that people had bothered to take the time to do this for him. I went out with him, his friends and one of their girlfriends, town was dead and I had a fantastic night. Desperados and Jagerbombs all round….ahem. Hopefully I’ll be able to join them again soon.

This week I have let go. I have eaten and drunk whatever the hell I wanted, not only because it’s my holiday and I’ll do what the bloody hell I like but also because I wanted to see what would happen. I have put on 5 pounds – nearly half of what I had lost. This is gutting, but what I expected.

I will be continuing on Monday, firstly with a goal to lose that 5lbs, but also I would like to have lost 1 stone 9lbs by 17th March..I know that seems a weird figure but it would mean I’m in the next “band” if you will, it’s a goal anyway.

Even though I have been doing this for 5 weeks now, I don’t physically look like I’ve lost that much. I think because I was a stone heavier to begin with than the last time I started a program, hopefully I will now start to see a difference.

Buying size 20s in Primark does not encourage the healthy lifestyle, but buying a top from Miss Selfridge that I wore on Friday was certainly encouraging. This is why I don’t judge my weight loss on clothes fitting me as some of my friends do – one day I’m a 14 the next I’m a 20 – how is that even possible?!

Onwards, to the next stage. Back at work tomorrow. Hopefully with a more positive attitude than when I left a week last Friday 🙂

Zx

Song for today – My Boo, Friends. Getting obsessed with this band, they really remind me of Do Me Bad Things. And this cover version is faboooosh.

Video of the day – In honour of the Superbowl

Requests – Grumpy Bear pleeeeease lets catch up, Patsy another night like last Saturday please (champagne bar and m20? YES!), BFF book a hotel for Amsterdam!!!

Love Love Love – This whole trend (thanks BFFSIL!)

xxx

How A Bad Day Goes

“My soul is an island, my car is a Ford.” – She’s All That

Have just got in from a lovely meal for my Grandma’s 81st – ate far too much, drank far too much (totes forgot I wasn’t meant to be drinking till Feb, genuinely, which is scary!). Just a short and sweet post tonight as it’s after midnight and I have to get up in ooo 6 hours.

Mainly, please tell your friends and family how much you love them daily. If you think someone is a bit low try to find out why, don’t leave it to fester. Not going into detail but have had some shocking news tonight and I vow, once again, to see my friends and family as often as I can. A job isn’t everything in life but the people around me pretty much are. Without them I am nothing.

I don’t really feel like writing much tonight. I’ll be in higher spirits tomorrow as it’s the Open Weekend at work with the house, no doubt I will meet some characters..!

As I have said above, I ate too much tonight and I feel shocking. If you’d seen the menu presented to me I’d have challenged you to eat healthily! The place we went is super traditional, cream in everything and 4 courses!!! However, today is the equivalent of Sunday to me, I’m not making excuses I should have gone off menu, but I did change from crumble to meringue without cream for pud..it’s a start!

My cake went down well also, apparently the kitchen staff were also tucking in. I should have known from past experience it is a bad idea to ask the restaurant to portion any cake……

Anyway. I’m orf to Bedfordshire. Here is my picture of the day:

My Daily Mantra

Just for you RFBM

Toodles

Zx

Love loves: The Policeman (need more of you in my life), The BFF (*squeeeeze*), RFBM (talk to me anytime xx)

Daily crushington: Adam Levine

underrated film of the day: Prime

Song I love but had forgotten about: Ghostwriter, RJD2

How The Mighty Have Fallen

 And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am – Michelle Obama

I am not an easy person to get on with. You have to work your ticket with me. I don’t like to waste my time with people and as such I have a slight reputation for being a bitch. It was well known at my old place of work that I didn’t bother with anyone new until they’d been there at least a month; my attitude was (and if I’m brutally honest still is) if you aren’t going to stick around then why should I spend time getting to know you?

I have quite a list of people that I have fallen out with over the years. Some stand out more than others. All were female – go figure. I love my girlfriends but its I’m definitely a girl who gets on better with boys. I miss my boys now I don’t see them as much anymore, but all the better when we do get to catch up.

High school was pretty rubbish, so “not me”. All girls, all high achieving and fiercely competitive. I fell somewhere in the middle, I wasn’t naughty so wasn’t on teachers radars, yet wasn’t the cleverest so again they weren’t that bothered with me. Coupled with living 20 miles away (which seems nothing now but at the time an hour on a bus was too far for a social life!) I just hated my time there.

I did meet some lovely girls and now and again I do wish I’d kept in contact with more of them but when I left I pretty much severed all contact with everyone I knew there. Bar bumping into people in random places from time to time and being “Facebook Friends” with a few it’s a part of my life that just isn’t on my radar anymore.

There was one girl, however , that I will never forget. No matter who I tried to be friends with she was always flitting around. She supposedly was getting jiggy with an older married man, which now seems ridiculous, but she was just always there undermining me.

And I hated her. Like really really hated her, it got to a point where I couldn’t even speak to her which was hard when we had every class together. She was one of the main reasons I left to go to another school for 6th form.

 Imagine my delight walking into my local last week and seeing her working behind the bar…as my mum loves to say “bide your time..they’ll get theirs”. And it looks like she has! The joy I got in seeing her there was indescribable. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what she was doing there, whether it was a second job or her only job, but for once it wasn’t me to whom people were saying “So…what do you want to do in life?” (as I was so frequently asked at the restaurant!).

This post is turning into quite the hateful rant so time for a bit of love..if it hadn’t been for a small group of friends who adopted me I wouldn’t have survived. “The Broughton Girls” as they were lovingly known really did change my mid teen years; if it wasn’t for them I’d have been so unhappy.

But thanks to the endless sleepovers at GB and BFF’s houses and birthday parties at Guys Court and of course the infamous party to celebrate the end of GCSEs where someone ended up in a pond I muddled through and headed off the 6th form with them a happy little ZD.

Fast forward to uni and my ex housemate. How I fell into the same group as this girl I will never know, she was hideous. But I couldn’t break away from her. It makes me really sad that because of the breakdown in our relationship I don’t speak to the girl who was the first proper friend I made at Loughborough. She caused trouble wherever she went, she broke up friendships, she cheated on her boyfriend and had us all cover for her, she changed people.

However because of this grotbag I have my London Ladies who I adore and again they were my sanctuary. So every cloud I guess…last I heard she was working in a dead end job and leeching off the boyfriend she is still with, having never graduated from uni. Bravo.

What I’m trying to say is that even if I sometimes seem abrasive, I’m rarely wrong about people. If I get a weird vibe off you, I will back away because I know at some point you will cause me trouble. I used to be all about the drama, but now I just want an easy life with lovely people, and this means not cluttering my world with toxic friendships.

It’s been a while since someone like this entered my life; I like to think it is because my radar is so finely tuned (but it’s more likely because I haven’t met anyone new for a while!). Whoever crosses me will get theirs. Often with very little meddling from me.

Today has been a good day. I have baked a cake, my favourite hobby. I also have the joy of another day off tomorrow and a Saturday night off. Not much more I could ask for! No walking today as it is a rest day but I’ll be back on it tomorrow. First weigh in on Sunday – my beef stew went down rather well this evening lets hope I can stay away from the pie at the meal out tomorrow night!

Off to torture myself with Celeb Big Bro now, what Z listers are in it this year?!

Schnogs

Zx

Lovely People: Granny Pants, Beav, Li’l J (We will talk soon I promise!), huge loves to BFf today xoxo

Nostalgic For: House parties and punch

Daily Lust: Gotta be Douglas Booth, even though he is just a baby..(coughdewgarcough)

Music for the moment: Right Back Where We Started From, Maxine Nightingale

How My Friends Constantly Surprise Me

“Compared to friendship, gold is dirt”

 

 I consider myself inordinately lucky to have my friends. I have little pockets scattered everywhere and it is pretty much ace. Not only that, but they continue to surprise me.

Take the one I work with who text me at 9pm this evening to ask if I’d like some porridge tomorrow for breakfast when we get into the office because she knows how I’m always running late (10 minutes late this morning – damn the kids being back at school and the bloody A6) and never have time for breakfast.

Or the one who signed my Christmas card xoxo Gossip Girl because of our mutual love for it. And there’s the one who has given me practical advice on the world of running without being horrendously patronising, the other one who came up with the TomScale™.

The one who introduced me to the other meaning of the word “juice” and the one who knows why Booths in Windermere is heaven.

None of the above will mean anything to anyone, but it all means something to me. Snippets of my life that stick in my head. I am not the most sociable of people (trying to improve this!) and I know that quite a lot of the time the excuse of work may not sit that well but it is the honest truth! I don’t even see my own house for as many hours as I would like a week!

What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry if it seems that sometimes I take our friendship for granted. I don’t. I just find it hard to show my appreciation sometimes – please take all of the above as a love letter to you, my friend. I love you, appreciate you, miss you and want to see you a whole lot more in 2012.

Today has been hard mainly because (and this sounds ridiculous) of the weather. The office at work is small and has windows 2 sides meaning with the weather warning worth gales on the Fylde coast it felt like we were on the inside of a washing machine all day.

This coupled with a freezing cold hall in which to eat our lunch meant that more than anything I wanted to be snacking on some rocky road bites from Tesco – I have become very familiar with the world of Tesco Express since I started working where I do.

I didn’t succumb though and stuck with my emergency satsumas. I managed to grab some porridge today because my lovely Mummy J was off work and made me some brekkie. (Yes I live at home, call my mother Mummy and I fricking love it). As previously mentioned the traffic was horrendous, but I got to work and was busy all morning.

Lunch was very cold but warmed up with some of the stew from last night and the standard banana and yoghurt pudding. I flew out of the door at 7 to come home to the 2 waiting pooches (sooo cute!)

Pushed myself out of the door to go on a walk – twice round the block today so walked for half an hour. I didn’t run today because a good friend has told me not to go too extreme so I will continue to run a day walk a day until I feel confident enough to run continuously.

Chilli for tea which was amazing. Still got some allowance left so thinking some rice pud next!

I know it’s pretty boring reading about my meals every day but I need to write them down otherwise I know I’ll begin to not record and cheat!

Have planned my first weekend off of the year at the end of the month – moving to Manchester for the weekend to be taken to the wilds of West Dids. How good a time I’ll allow myself to have will depend on my progress with this health kick!

Thank you so much for reading this and for the continued messages of support, it means the world to me and I will try and be funnier in the posts to come, with maybe some things to entertain!

It’s far too late for me to be up and I’ve just wasted an hour of my life watching the TV show “The Bank Job”, so time for me to head to my bed. Although….a Luke Wilson film has just started on Sky..hmm…tempting….

In the worlds of the mum of the BFF – I’ll see you Anon

Zx

Daily Loves go to – The Grumpy Bear, Li’l J, BFF, BFFSIL, Geeeeraffe

Favourite Hashtag of the Last 24 hours – #desribeyoursexlifewithamovie

Looking forward to – a catch up with a lovely little bundle of Bristolian-ness

Missing – old friends and bygone friendships

Wishing – I had some plans for the next few weeks!

Song of the day – Call It What You Want– Foster The People