How I Need Some Positive Thinking

One Day...

I have gained this week. I don’t know why. Bar going out last weekend, it’s been an ok week I guess. No heating has made me want to eat to get warm! But apart from that..who knows. Portion control and walking the dogs are my buzz actions for the coming week.

I enjoyed seeing the old Team Squuures last night. Always a pleasure! Slow’s all engaged, Are Ya Well is fabulous as always and SWill…..legend. End of.

However the photos of me are truly horrible. I can’t get my head around the fact that what I see in the mirror is not what I present to the world.

At home my hair looked lustrous and bouncy, in the photos it looks lank and knotty. My face has gotten so fat and it’s just horrible. I need to get it into my head that I do  actually look like the picture I have of me in my head. And I need to do something about this!

This week I shall mostly be working. However Without A K provides some light relief. 2 wedding weekend again, but then it will only be a week till I am off. 2 weeks today I will be in the heavenly bliss of the Lake District which is certainly something that I am counting down to. I really hope that I get to spend more time up there this year. It soothes me.

Just a quick post tonight, 12 hours sleep in 48 is catching up with me…I so can’t wait to hit that snooze button on Tuesday morning!

Zx

Loving: This ladys music, why isn’t there anywhere up here that has vintagey old-fashioned parties?! This song in particular is ace.

Silver Lining:If it hadn’t been for this in the last week I would not have survived.

Crushington City: Uhhhhh well…yuh huh duh chuh! Obviously. Also this was sent to me by an old friend and really made me chuckle!

Weekly mwah mwahs: BFF (you know I’m here xx), Patsy (Power Ballads without me and I still love ya), BFFSIL (big things coming your way), SeeJayGee (#newgirlfriends!), Mrs T2B (yaaaaaaaaaaay new housie!), WonderWifey (Just..cuz.). Oh and small loves to Grumpy Bear (I may have found a you work replacement, only taken me a year!)

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How A Week Makes A Difference

It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power – Alan Cohen

So I have just had 9 days off from work, diet..life. I have loved it. I have spent time with my fabulous family, namely in the Motherland of Welsh Wales with my Nannie, my heroine and idol. I had a great time catching up and “potchin’” with her. It came and went all too soon, it’s like a haven down there and I love it.

I also got to catch up with Mrs T2B and spoke at length about the total jealousy that I have going on in regards to her and Mr T moving into their new house in just over a week’s time. She is desperately trying to convince me that I would be able to afford to do the same, alas, until I have a lot more money coming in this is not something that will be on my horizon in the near future. Part of me thinks “Fuck it, just go and rent, it’s good enough for the French…” but then it’s the whole thing of owning a piece of bricks and mortar. Meh. I don’t know.

My mum and I (and my dad) have spent the best part of 2 weeks trying to keep my brother from finding out we were throwing him a small soiree for his birthday (and to cheer him up a little). This happened on Friday night and bravo to everyone involved he didn’t have a clue. His friend, S#2, took him up the road for a pint and my parents jollied around getting furniture out fo the way – I was obviously preening and pampering as I need AT LEAST an hour for full shower hair and make up sesh!

Everyone had arrived and as always congregated in the kitchen, whilst we waited for my dad to arrive back with the boys. In the worst move in surprise party history, we hadn’t anticipated what to do when he actually walked in. So we ended up just standing there in silence as he walked in, said “What the fuck?!” and then walked round and said hello to everyone. AWKWARD TURTLES ALL ROUND!

The awkwardness aside I ended up having a really good time. Got to spend time with family friends and the BFF (wish you’d come out with up 😦 ) and see my brother genuinely made up that people had bothered to take the time to do this for him. I went out with him, his friends and one of their girlfriends, town was dead and I had a fantastic night. Desperados and Jagerbombs all round….ahem. Hopefully I’ll be able to join them again soon.

This week I have let go. I have eaten and drunk whatever the hell I wanted, not only because it’s my holiday and I’ll do what the bloody hell I like but also because I wanted to see what would happen. I have put on 5 pounds – nearly half of what I had lost. This is gutting, but what I expected.

I will be continuing on Monday, firstly with a goal to lose that 5lbs, but also I would like to have lost 1 stone 9lbs by 17th March..I know that seems a weird figure but it would mean I’m in the next “band” if you will, it’s a goal anyway.

Even though I have been doing this for 5 weeks now, I don’t physically look like I’ve lost that much. I think because I was a stone heavier to begin with than the last time I started a program, hopefully I will now start to see a difference.

Buying size 20s in Primark does not encourage the healthy lifestyle, but buying a top from Miss Selfridge that I wore on Friday was certainly encouraging. This is why I don’t judge my weight loss on clothes fitting me as some of my friends do – one day I’m a 14 the next I’m a 20 – how is that even possible?!

Onwards, to the next stage. Back at work tomorrow. Hopefully with a more positive attitude than when I left a week last Friday 🙂

Zx

Song for today – My Boo, Friends. Getting obsessed with this band, they really remind me of Do Me Bad Things. And this cover version is faboooosh.

Video of the day – In honour of the Superbowl

Requests – Grumpy Bear pleeeeease lets catch up, Patsy another night like last Saturday please (champagne bar and m20? YES!), BFF book a hotel for Amsterdam!!!

Love Love Love – This whole trend (thanks BFFSIL!)

xxx

How My Friends Constantly Surprise Me

“Compared to friendship, gold is dirt”

 

 I consider myself inordinately lucky to have my friends. I have little pockets scattered everywhere and it is pretty much ace. Not only that, but they continue to surprise me.

Take the one I work with who text me at 9pm this evening to ask if I’d like some porridge tomorrow for breakfast when we get into the office because she knows how I’m always running late (10 minutes late this morning – damn the kids being back at school and the bloody A6) and never have time for breakfast.

Or the one who signed my Christmas card xoxo Gossip Girl because of our mutual love for it. And there’s the one who has given me practical advice on the world of running without being horrendously patronising, the other one who came up with the TomScale™.

The one who introduced me to the other meaning of the word “juice” and the one who knows why Booths in Windermere is heaven.

None of the above will mean anything to anyone, but it all means something to me. Snippets of my life that stick in my head. I am not the most sociable of people (trying to improve this!) and I know that quite a lot of the time the excuse of work may not sit that well but it is the honest truth! I don’t even see my own house for as many hours as I would like a week!

What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry if it seems that sometimes I take our friendship for granted. I don’t. I just find it hard to show my appreciation sometimes – please take all of the above as a love letter to you, my friend. I love you, appreciate you, miss you and want to see you a whole lot more in 2012.

Today has been hard mainly because (and this sounds ridiculous) of the weather. The office at work is small and has windows 2 sides meaning with the weather warning worth gales on the Fylde coast it felt like we were on the inside of a washing machine all day.

This coupled with a freezing cold hall in which to eat our lunch meant that more than anything I wanted to be snacking on some rocky road bites from Tesco – I have become very familiar with the world of Tesco Express since I started working where I do.

I didn’t succumb though and stuck with my emergency satsumas. I managed to grab some porridge today because my lovely Mummy J was off work and made me some brekkie. (Yes I live at home, call my mother Mummy and I fricking love it). As previously mentioned the traffic was horrendous, but I got to work and was busy all morning.

Lunch was very cold but warmed up with some of the stew from last night and the standard banana and yoghurt pudding. I flew out of the door at 7 to come home to the 2 waiting pooches (sooo cute!)

Pushed myself out of the door to go on a walk – twice round the block today so walked for half an hour. I didn’t run today because a good friend has told me not to go too extreme so I will continue to run a day walk a day until I feel confident enough to run continuously.

Chilli for tea which was amazing. Still got some allowance left so thinking some rice pud next!

I know it’s pretty boring reading about my meals every day but I need to write them down otherwise I know I’ll begin to not record and cheat!

Have planned my first weekend off of the year at the end of the month – moving to Manchester for the weekend to be taken to the wilds of West Dids. How good a time I’ll allow myself to have will depend on my progress with this health kick!

Thank you so much for reading this and for the continued messages of support, it means the world to me and I will try and be funnier in the posts to come, with maybe some things to entertain!

It’s far too late for me to be up and I’ve just wasted an hour of my life watching the TV show “The Bank Job”, so time for me to head to my bed. Although….a Luke Wilson film has just started on Sky..hmm…tempting….

In the worlds of the mum of the BFF – I’ll see you Anon

Zx

Daily Loves go to – The Grumpy Bear, Li’l J, BFF, BFFSIL, Geeeeraffe

Favourite Hashtag of the Last 24 hours – #desribeyoursexlifewithamovie

Looking forward to – a catch up with a lovely little bundle of Bristolian-ness

Missing – old friends and bygone friendships

Wishing – I had some plans for the next few weeks!

Song of the day – Call It What You Want– Foster The People

How My First Day Went

“Calling someone fat doesn’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. All you can do in life is try and solve the problem in front of you” – Mean Girls  (Just for you CL)

 

First of all, it was very remiss of me to forget to thank you for taking a few minutes of your time to read my musings on life. I hope that it doesn’t make you think any differently of me, but maybe it will help you understand me a little more!

So onwards. Today, Monday 2nd January 2012, has been the first day of the rest of my life (I hope). It did not start well. I overslept, meaning my well planned breakfast of porridge and banana had to fall by the way side and be replaced by a coffee to go (in my lovely new thermos) and a banana on the run. It is not easy to drive with a thermos and a banana in a Ford Ka with no cup holders. I will not be doing it again.

Luckily I had quite a lot to do at work as we were shut yesterday, so my mind was kept off lunch until I had to head out to but tealights of all things (for a show round that then promptly cancelled!) I got back to work and couldn’t hold out any longer so called lunch time. Jacket potato and beans followed by some gorgeous limited edition yoghurt thing, seriously yummy! Sounds like a pretty decent lunch and it would have been had it not been for the fact that the microwave at work is temperamental at the best of times, so eventually I chowed down.

 It’s amazing, normally because I go for the faster food option I am hungry but 4pm but because I took my time I was good till I got home from work. I also had my trusty bag of satsumas by my side all day so if I did want a snack I could, but I only had one mid-morning.

When I got home, my lovely mummy was waiting with 2 gorgeous dogs ready to be walked. I quickly got changed, grabbed my iPod, my pristine trainers that have never seen a pavement in their life and an overly excited Bertie Dog. Off we went “round the block”. We walked the whole way at a fairly brisk pace and it took us 15 minutes. I then dropped the dog off and carried on with my iPod and the podcast I downloaded last night which aims to increase your running stamina. I found it enormously helpful however my stamina is awful!! I didn’t finish the recording, but I know where I had to stop, and next time I go out with it (Wednesday) I know where I have to push past.

I haven’t eaten my evening meal yet, but it is chicken stew thing which is basically a thick chicken soup in the way it has been made. I also always need bread with this dish, but it’ll be fine!

I have also downloaded “My Fitness Pal” for my phone, writing down everything that I am ingesting is massively eye opening especially as all the calories are there in black and white. For instance when I roughly added together yesterdays food without alcohol included I was 250 calories over my daily intake without factoring in the chocolates or wine I had consumed. I currently have 668 calories left for the day which is nice to know!

I had quite a few messages from some friends yesterday saying that they never knew I had ever felt the way I do, or congratulations for putting myself out there. I have to make it clear that I am not unhappy or sad in myself, only with the way I look which I know is rather shallow of me, but hey who cares. I’m doing this for myself, no one else, which hasn’t really happened before. I want to keep a record so when I have a bad day I can go back to a good day and see what I need to do differently.

To place the quote I have used for today’s post into my life, the problem in front of me is a life of struggling to run up the stairs or dash to the kitchen at work when someone has the wrong starter at work. I need to do this to change my life and my outlook on life.

As for “putting myself out there”, even after one post I felt liberated – I would recommend this blogging lark to anyone, even if it is anonymous and no one reads it, you are putting your feelings out into the universe which means that they are the universe’s problems to deal with and not yours anymore.

Onto a night of Carry On and Made In Chelsea. Spencer YES!

Zx

Loves to my peeps: CL, the Policeman, Rancid, Beav, BFFSIL and Granny Pants

Hoping: #raveinacave is when I’m off work

Hating: how the temperature has dropped – socks AND tights tomorrow at work I think!

Wishing: I had something planned for the time I have just booked off

Needing: to buy tickets for my trip to LDN in March (I promise I’ll bring both shoes this time)

Song for the day: Hip To Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News