Monday, Bloody Monday

 

UGH!!!!!! The wagon is so far ahead of me since I fell off it on Thursday I need to hitch a ride to catch it up.

I started 12 days of annual leave last Wednesday and went up to Windermere on Thursday. It’s so peaceful up there I love it. However, going up there means one thing only – eating. And as much as I wanted to stick to and count my ProPoints, I just couldn’t. I had ice cream, I had steak and chips, I had far too much wine and to round it off I went to a ball on Saturday where the food was so awful I drank more wine to compensate. I ate all day yesterday and today have been eating chocolate. Water is defeating me and I hated the way I looked on Saturday, fat shiny fat face.

I’m not trying to make excuses but I find it super difficult when I’m at home a lot of the time because it is a house filled with food! Having a brother like I do means that he has to eat pretty much all the time and although my will power was super strong right now I’m a bit ambivalent towards everything. I will start strong tomorrow morning, until Saturday where it is the BarBeDew and all hell will no doubt break loose. I have to bake a bazillion cakes, try getting through that without eating some of the batter!!

So, tomorrow. Tomorrow I will start the day with cereal as I have been doing for the past two weeks, I’ll have some fruit and yoghurt mid morning then probably a massive salad somewhere for lunch. Unsure what we are having in the evening, but I really need to concentrate on this, it’s for my benefit after all, no one else’s. It’s up to me to make this change – no one else is going to give a shit about if I have lost weight, I’m the one it ultimately is affecting so GO ZO!

The other thing I need to remember is that I started the C25K programme last week and am – shock horror – actually enjoying it so far?! I went out last night in the wind and the rain and it was invigorating to have a purpose to keeping fit. I start week two tomorrow which ups the running time – I am hoping that at some point this year I will be able to do a sponsored run or something? I don’t know! It has definitely helped having a running partner and I need to realise  that doing all of this isn’t a quick fix, it is a change for life and these positive changes I am making will ultimately make me a stronger person in the long run.

I know it is a bit of a serious one today. I found this blog today which is so inspirational. I don’t think that I will ever want to do a marathon or iron man (iron woman?!) but knowing that there are others who have been there and found it hard makes me see a chink of light at the end of the tunnel. Weigh in and measurements tomorrow. GA!

Being told over the weekend some home truths hurt me, but I know that I will be a stronger person because of it and who knows when I am at that dream weight maybe I will meet my prince? Here’s hoping…

Zx

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How The Mighty Have Fallen

 And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am – Michelle Obama

I am not an easy person to get on with. You have to work your ticket with me. I don’t like to waste my time with people and as such I have a slight reputation for being a bitch. It was well known at my old place of work that I didn’t bother with anyone new until they’d been there at least a month; my attitude was (and if I’m brutally honest still is) if you aren’t going to stick around then why should I spend time getting to know you?

I have quite a list of people that I have fallen out with over the years. Some stand out more than others. All were female – go figure. I love my girlfriends but its I’m definitely a girl who gets on better with boys. I miss my boys now I don’t see them as much anymore, but all the better when we do get to catch up.

High school was pretty rubbish, so “not me”. All girls, all high achieving and fiercely competitive. I fell somewhere in the middle, I wasn’t naughty so wasn’t on teachers radars, yet wasn’t the cleverest so again they weren’t that bothered with me. Coupled with living 20 miles away (which seems nothing now but at the time an hour on a bus was too far for a social life!) I just hated my time there.

I did meet some lovely girls and now and again I do wish I’d kept in contact with more of them but when I left I pretty much severed all contact with everyone I knew there. Bar bumping into people in random places from time to time and being “Facebook Friends” with a few it’s a part of my life that just isn’t on my radar anymore.

There was one girl, however , that I will never forget. No matter who I tried to be friends with she was always flitting around. She supposedly was getting jiggy with an older married man, which now seems ridiculous, but she was just always there undermining me.

And I hated her. Like really really hated her, it got to a point where I couldn’t even speak to her which was hard when we had every class together. She was one of the main reasons I left to go to another school for 6th form.

 Imagine my delight walking into my local last week and seeing her working behind the bar…as my mum loves to say “bide your time..they’ll get theirs”. And it looks like she has! The joy I got in seeing her there was indescribable. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what she was doing there, whether it was a second job or her only job, but for once it wasn’t me to whom people were saying “So…what do you want to do in life?” (as I was so frequently asked at the restaurant!).

This post is turning into quite the hateful rant so time for a bit of love..if it hadn’t been for a small group of friends who adopted me I wouldn’t have survived. “The Broughton Girls” as they were lovingly known really did change my mid teen years; if it wasn’t for them I’d have been so unhappy.

But thanks to the endless sleepovers at GB and BFF’s houses and birthday parties at Guys Court and of course the infamous party to celebrate the end of GCSEs where someone ended up in a pond I muddled through and headed off the 6th form with them a happy little ZD.

Fast forward to uni and my ex housemate. How I fell into the same group as this girl I will never know, she was hideous. But I couldn’t break away from her. It makes me really sad that because of the breakdown in our relationship I don’t speak to the girl who was the first proper friend I made at Loughborough. She caused trouble wherever she went, she broke up friendships, she cheated on her boyfriend and had us all cover for her, she changed people.

However because of this grotbag I have my London Ladies who I adore and again they were my sanctuary. So every cloud I guess…last I heard she was working in a dead end job and leeching off the boyfriend she is still with, having never graduated from uni. Bravo.

What I’m trying to say is that even if I sometimes seem abrasive, I’m rarely wrong about people. If I get a weird vibe off you, I will back away because I know at some point you will cause me trouble. I used to be all about the drama, but now I just want an easy life with lovely people, and this means not cluttering my world with toxic friendships.

It’s been a while since someone like this entered my life; I like to think it is because my radar is so finely tuned (but it’s more likely because I haven’t met anyone new for a while!). Whoever crosses me will get theirs. Often with very little meddling from me.

Today has been a good day. I have baked a cake, my favourite hobby. I also have the joy of another day off tomorrow and a Saturday night off. Not much more I could ask for! No walking today as it is a rest day but I’ll be back on it tomorrow. First weigh in on Sunday – my beef stew went down rather well this evening lets hope I can stay away from the pie at the meal out tomorrow night!

Off to torture myself with Celeb Big Bro now, what Z listers are in it this year?!

Schnogs

Zx

Lovely People: Granny Pants, Beav, Li’l J (We will talk soon I promise!), huge loves to BFf today xoxo

Nostalgic For: House parties and punch

Daily Lust: Gotta be Douglas Booth, even though he is just a baby..(coughdewgarcough)

Music for the moment: Right Back Where We Started From, Maxine Nightingale

How My First Day Went

“Calling someone fat doesn’t make you any skinnier. Calling someone stupid doesn’t make you any smarter. All you can do in life is try and solve the problem in front of you” – Mean Girls  (Just for you CL)

 

First of all, it was very remiss of me to forget to thank you for taking a few minutes of your time to read my musings on life. I hope that it doesn’t make you think any differently of me, but maybe it will help you understand me a little more!

So onwards. Today, Monday 2nd January 2012, has been the first day of the rest of my life (I hope). It did not start well. I overslept, meaning my well planned breakfast of porridge and banana had to fall by the way side and be replaced by a coffee to go (in my lovely new thermos) and a banana on the run. It is not easy to drive with a thermos and a banana in a Ford Ka with no cup holders. I will not be doing it again.

Luckily I had quite a lot to do at work as we were shut yesterday, so my mind was kept off lunch until I had to head out to but tealights of all things (for a show round that then promptly cancelled!) I got back to work and couldn’t hold out any longer so called lunch time. Jacket potato and beans followed by some gorgeous limited edition yoghurt thing, seriously yummy! Sounds like a pretty decent lunch and it would have been had it not been for the fact that the microwave at work is temperamental at the best of times, so eventually I chowed down.

 It’s amazing, normally because I go for the faster food option I am hungry but 4pm but because I took my time I was good till I got home from work. I also had my trusty bag of satsumas by my side all day so if I did want a snack I could, but I only had one mid-morning.

When I got home, my lovely mummy was waiting with 2 gorgeous dogs ready to be walked. I quickly got changed, grabbed my iPod, my pristine trainers that have never seen a pavement in their life and an overly excited Bertie Dog. Off we went “round the block”. We walked the whole way at a fairly brisk pace and it took us 15 minutes. I then dropped the dog off and carried on with my iPod and the podcast I downloaded last night which aims to increase your running stamina. I found it enormously helpful however my stamina is awful!! I didn’t finish the recording, but I know where I had to stop, and next time I go out with it (Wednesday) I know where I have to push past.

I haven’t eaten my evening meal yet, but it is chicken stew thing which is basically a thick chicken soup in the way it has been made. I also always need bread with this dish, but it’ll be fine!

I have also downloaded “My Fitness Pal” for my phone, writing down everything that I am ingesting is massively eye opening especially as all the calories are there in black and white. For instance when I roughly added together yesterdays food without alcohol included I was 250 calories over my daily intake without factoring in the chocolates or wine I had consumed. I currently have 668 calories left for the day which is nice to know!

I had quite a few messages from some friends yesterday saying that they never knew I had ever felt the way I do, or congratulations for putting myself out there. I have to make it clear that I am not unhappy or sad in myself, only with the way I look which I know is rather shallow of me, but hey who cares. I’m doing this for myself, no one else, which hasn’t really happened before. I want to keep a record so when I have a bad day I can go back to a good day and see what I need to do differently.

To place the quote I have used for today’s post into my life, the problem in front of me is a life of struggling to run up the stairs or dash to the kitchen at work when someone has the wrong starter at work. I need to do this to change my life and my outlook on life.

As for “putting myself out there”, even after one post I felt liberated – I would recommend this blogging lark to anyone, even if it is anonymous and no one reads it, you are putting your feelings out into the universe which means that they are the universe’s problems to deal with and not yours anymore.

Onto a night of Carry On and Made In Chelsea. Spencer YES!

Zx

Loves to my peeps: CL, the Policeman, Rancid, Beav, BFFSIL and Granny Pants

Hoping: #raveinacave is when I’m off work

Hating: how the temperature has dropped – socks AND tights tomorrow at work I think!

Wishing: I had something planned for the time I have just booked off

Needing: to buy tickets for my trip to LDN in March (I promise I’ll bring both shoes this time)

Song for the day: Hip To Be Square, Huey Lewis and the News