How In 11 Months Time…

…I’ll be glad I started today.

Once more, dear friends, once more into the breach I go. Weight watchers this time, in order to feel fabulous for Little J (not so little anymore she growed up..and soon to be Mrs J. Or S. Weird!) and her Willie’s wedding. I was hit with the blinding realisation last night that this momentous occasion is 11 months to this very day and I’ll be damned if I’m going to be the token fat one yet again. I have put on all but 2.5lbs of the weight that I lost in the first few months of the year. Tut Tut ZD, Tut Tut.

2 weeks ago me, Mrs T2B and Long Distance Bridesmaid headed to the fair (not so fair on this particular day) city of  Manchester to try on some bridesmaids dresses. It wasn’t to fine “the one”, per say, but to find a style that will suit all of the girls. I’m the shortest and biggest, LDB is probably the tallest and around the same dress size as 2 of the others. So it’s no mean feat trying to find a style that suits us all!

Something to think about Mrs T2B!

Yes there are 18 months to go before Mrs T2B marries the wonderful Mr T, but it’s never too soon to start. What the day held in store was laughs (satin is a no go for everyone), disappointment (bridesmaids dresses that aren’t satin are hard to find and black is nigh on impossible) and, on my part, frustration. I lost count of how many times I said “Well, I’ll try it on to give you an idea but it wont fit me”. Not one dress that I tried on would do up. And I had the super attractive nude sucky inny pants on. Mortifying.

This occasion calls for really big knickers

I know that it’s all my own doing. I know that I am lazy and that I need to make positive changes. Which I am now doing. Mrs T2B has lost a phenomenal amount of weight for the amount of time she has been on WW (please don’t go too far..) and looks fabulous, BFF has done the same, now it’s my turn. 3 years ago, at G’s 21st I look so happy, this is what I need to get back too – goodbye land of photos taken from above to hide the double chin, see ya putting cushions in front of me when I sit down, sayonara wearing blazers everytime I go out just so no one sees my arms. I am done.

So. I will be updating this more regularly, with a post every Tuesday to see how I’m getting on, then daily posts with little things that have made me smile or kept me going. These will be themed..I’ll have to get thinking of some witty names!

Matthe McConaughey. Why the hell not.

Failure to Launch is on, what a film.

Anywho. Manchester on Friday woo-ahoo! 14 days till holidays woo-ahoo! Then it’s Lakes, Ball, Lakes, BarBeDew…fabulous darling.

TTFN

Zxxxx

How I Love My New Book

“We’re constantly changing facts, rewriting history to make things easier, to make them fit in with our preferred version of events. We do it automatically. We invent memories. Without thinking. If we tell ourselves something happened often enough we start to believe it, and then we can actually remember it.”
― S.J. Watson, Before I Go to Sleep

I scare myself sometimes that I can’t remember things. Reading Before I Go To Sleep at the moment and it’s an amazing book. I gasp every time I turn the page. (Well, metaphorically turn the page; in reality I am clicking the button on my Kindle!). It’s scary what the human body is capable of, although I have not finished the book yet it’s very interesting in terms of long term and short term memory.

I am amazing with dates and names. This is useful in my job when I have to know if we have a wedding booked on a certain date, or who is booked on which date. I can say, with a large amount of certainty, whether I will be able to be free on a Saturday in April to go and party (Yes, to the first 2..!). However, my long term memory is shot at. My school life is a blur to me, which is worrying seeing as I spent 13 years (shite, half my life!) in primary and secondary education.

I loved primary school. It was so much fun, I was lucky the school I went to was excellent stood me in good stead for the rest of my education. I would like to think that the reason for my lack of specific memories is because I was young. Every day in my mind was sunny, we got to play on the top field every single lunch time and most of my days were spent doing arts and crafts. In my head anyway.

Secondary school was a different story. I was one of the lucky few who were deemed good enough to attend the nearest grammar school. The only thing I wanted when I was 11 was to be away from the annoying and disgusting boys I had been to primary school with, so off to the all-girls school I went.

Years 7-9 were fine. It was when I turned 15 I began to get restless. Living 20+ miles away from school let alone any potential friends was a nightmare. I am forever thankful to my parents for ferrying me around, but in reality it was just horrible. No one was that bothered about inviting me anywhere as it would mean me having to get a long bus and then stay over which was just hassle all round. Once the reprobates from the boys’ school got involved it was just horrendous, I began to hate my life and was so unhappy I just needed to get out of there.

Part of me regrets leaving the school for 6th form, lord knows that had I stayed my A levels would have been amazing and therefore my university work ethic would have been far better. But leaving to go to a different 6th form with the people who have ended up being my closest friends was the best decision that I have ever made. Academically it was the worst, but going to HGS made me the person I am today. Which some may consider a bad thing, I think it’s pretty awesome really.

The strange thing is I can’t really remember specifics about school life. I can’t remember why I hated it so much – I really enjoyed the academic challenges that were thrown my way and I was able to push my brain to my limits, certainly I miss using my brain now and I know the education I had built the foundations for skills that I have now – but socially, I can’t remember any incidents that made me really unhappy. Have I made this feeling up in my head to make me feel better about my decision to leave? Or have I locked away the horrible memories in order to protect myself from getting upset about them?

I don’t think I’ll ever know the answer to this. But I do worry that if I can’t remember things now, what will I be like in 30, 40, 50 years’ time? I hope that I can keep this writing up; hopefully it’ll help jog my memory in years to come!

I know I haven’t written much this week. Mainly because nothing has really happened. My life seems to have ground to a halt; everyone is busy or doesn’t want to do anything. The bad news keeps on coming; everything is crossed and crossed again to hang on for good news. Surely nothing else can go wrong?

I have written off January. Fabulous February is where it’s at. I hope. I hate my girls are spread over the country because I miss them so much it hurts.

Hmm. Bah.

Oh, I definitely recommend this book. It is un-put-downable.

Zx

Get in my life: Mrs B, Grumpy Bear, Reedy, Li’l J, Chindian, Jolls

Loving: Paul Nicholls is in Law and Order now. SWOON!

Crushing on: Simon Cowell circa 1992

Vowing: to book my train tickets this week

Song of the day: Lose Yourself – Eminem (Thank you. You know who you are)

 

How The Mighty Have Fallen

 And so when I hear about negative and false attacks, I really don’t invest any energy in them, because I know who I am – Michelle Obama

I am not an easy person to get on with. You have to work your ticket with me. I don’t like to waste my time with people and as such I have a slight reputation for being a bitch. It was well known at my old place of work that I didn’t bother with anyone new until they’d been there at least a month; my attitude was (and if I’m brutally honest still is) if you aren’t going to stick around then why should I spend time getting to know you?

I have quite a list of people that I have fallen out with over the years. Some stand out more than others. All were female – go figure. I love my girlfriends but its I’m definitely a girl who gets on better with boys. I miss my boys now I don’t see them as much anymore, but all the better when we do get to catch up.

High school was pretty rubbish, so “not me”. All girls, all high achieving and fiercely competitive. I fell somewhere in the middle, I wasn’t naughty so wasn’t on teachers radars, yet wasn’t the cleverest so again they weren’t that bothered with me. Coupled with living 20 miles away (which seems nothing now but at the time an hour on a bus was too far for a social life!) I just hated my time there.

I did meet some lovely girls and now and again I do wish I’d kept in contact with more of them but when I left I pretty much severed all contact with everyone I knew there. Bar bumping into people in random places from time to time and being “Facebook Friends” with a few it’s a part of my life that just isn’t on my radar anymore.

There was one girl, however , that I will never forget. No matter who I tried to be friends with she was always flitting around. She supposedly was getting jiggy with an older married man, which now seems ridiculous, but she was just always there undermining me.

And I hated her. Like really really hated her, it got to a point where I couldn’t even speak to her which was hard when we had every class together. She was one of the main reasons I left to go to another school for 6th form.

 Imagine my delight walking into my local last week and seeing her working behind the bar…as my mum loves to say “bide your time..they’ll get theirs”. And it looks like she has! The joy I got in seeing her there was indescribable. I didn’t stay long enough to find out what she was doing there, whether it was a second job or her only job, but for once it wasn’t me to whom people were saying “So…what do you want to do in life?” (as I was so frequently asked at the restaurant!).

This post is turning into quite the hateful rant so time for a bit of love..if it hadn’t been for a small group of friends who adopted me I wouldn’t have survived. “The Broughton Girls” as they were lovingly known really did change my mid teen years; if it wasn’t for them I’d have been so unhappy.

But thanks to the endless sleepovers at GB and BFF’s houses and birthday parties at Guys Court and of course the infamous party to celebrate the end of GCSEs where someone ended up in a pond I muddled through and headed off the 6th form with them a happy little ZD.

Fast forward to uni and my ex housemate. How I fell into the same group as this girl I will never know, she was hideous. But I couldn’t break away from her. It makes me really sad that because of the breakdown in our relationship I don’t speak to the girl who was the first proper friend I made at Loughborough. She caused trouble wherever she went, she broke up friendships, she cheated on her boyfriend and had us all cover for her, she changed people.

However because of this grotbag I have my London Ladies who I adore and again they were my sanctuary. So every cloud I guess…last I heard she was working in a dead end job and leeching off the boyfriend she is still with, having never graduated from uni. Bravo.

What I’m trying to say is that even if I sometimes seem abrasive, I’m rarely wrong about people. If I get a weird vibe off you, I will back away because I know at some point you will cause me trouble. I used to be all about the drama, but now I just want an easy life with lovely people, and this means not cluttering my world with toxic friendships.

It’s been a while since someone like this entered my life; I like to think it is because my radar is so finely tuned (but it’s more likely because I haven’t met anyone new for a while!). Whoever crosses me will get theirs. Often with very little meddling from me.

Today has been a good day. I have baked a cake, my favourite hobby. I also have the joy of another day off tomorrow and a Saturday night off. Not much more I could ask for! No walking today as it is a rest day but I’ll be back on it tomorrow. First weigh in on Sunday – my beef stew went down rather well this evening lets hope I can stay away from the pie at the meal out tomorrow night!

Off to torture myself with Celeb Big Bro now, what Z listers are in it this year?!

Schnogs

Zx

Lovely People: Granny Pants, Beav, Li’l J (We will talk soon I promise!), huge loves to BFf today xoxo

Nostalgic For: House parties and punch

Daily Lust: Gotta be Douglas Booth, even though he is just a baby..(coughdewgarcough)

Music for the moment: Right Back Where We Started From, Maxine Nightingale

How I thought things would be different

Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it-Ferris Bueller, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

When I was little, I was certain that I would have a house at 24, be married when I was 25, kids by 28, the cookie cutter 1950’s existence by the time I was 30. That’s what my parents’ lives panned out to be, why on Earth would mine be any different? How wrong I was!

I’m 26. I live at home. I am nowhere near meeting “the man of my dreams” (and to be honest…I’m ok with that). I do have a career but it is most definitely in its infancy. As for kids..no thanks. I’ll be ok without. For now at least anyway. Or the foreseeable future.

It definitely appears, from what I see at work at least, the average age of couples getting engaged to be married (not engaged to be engaged which is a whole other situation that really annoys me!) is getting older. I think there was one couple in the 30 odd that I saw get married last year that were younger than me. This made me feel a whole lot better about myself and my situation!

Of course I have planned my dream wedding (French château, walking through vines, everyone staying for a week, lots of wine – bliss), but when I actually sit and think about it I’m not altogether sure I will ever get married. I don’t know why, it’s just not something that’s on my radar. I can imagine the wedding..just can’t imagine me being there. Weird huh?!

On a side note when I was little I also thought I would be a clown when I was a grown up, make of that what you will. Has anyone followed their dreams through from when they were little? I highly doubt it. Live for the moment, not for the future – you never know what’s around the corner.

Today has mainly been fun, working with Beav always is. Until I realised the one thing I needed to do hadn’t been done, I’m off for the next two days (maybe a trip to Manchester….hint?) and I had 45 minutes before I might have to go into extra time. I roped Beav into helping me and together we managed to finish – THANK YOU!

We bonded today, me and Beav. Was larvely J I hope I wasn’t too honest with you-it was all meant with love *mwah*. As LoughboroughZoe™ used to say, “I’m not a bitch, I’m just blunt”. I guess TodayZoe™ lives by the same phrase. That and saying genuinely in an Aussie accent far too often.

Curried parsnip soup was the order of the day – so yummy. Homemade by my mummy’s fair hands and rice cakes to accompany (ugh like eating cardboard – the soup definitely helped!) Standard pud and home to 2 dogs sat patiently, how can they know in 3 days of doing this that when I get home from work we go for a walk?! Dylan was struggling on the second loop but I think that he is just a wimp in the wind and the rain!

Broski found out his knee is a lot worse than he thought so I met him on my way back with a pizza in hand -well jell! At least he didn’t eat it in front of me.

I know this post has been a bit rambling, feeling a bit anti computers today. Hmm. Beav has asked me to design some posters for her shop that’ll be fun. Send me the info over asap lady.

Tomorrow should be interesting – baking a cake for my Grandma’s 81st birthday. She was kinda out of it for her 80th last year so this year is 80 mk 2. Out for a meal with the family but she needs a cake and I got a shed load of baking stuff for Christmas so time to use is.

Only this time I can’t eat the baking mix as I go along (scientific purposes, obv) but anyway there’ll be more for everyone else. Any cake ideas heeeeugley appreciated.

All in this entire whole thing is going fairly ok. I was looking at old photos today. Equally shocked and pleased with the yoyo weights I have been over the years. Here’s to not being like July 2007 again, and bring on February 2008 and/or July 2009. Please?

Kisses for all

Zx

Daily schnugs to: Tails (totes a fisher. Goon), Beav (Funky TEEEA), Granny Pants (miss you), Li’l J (Get in my life)

#overheard: “Look at all the Ryvita crumbs hiding in my crack!”

Craving: The chocolate fudge cake (Lathams of course, had to be) that is sat in the kitchen just one room away

Film of the moment : The Family Stone – purely for Luke Wilson

Song of the day: Funky Town, Lipps Inc

How My Friends Constantly Surprise Me

“Compared to friendship, gold is dirt”

 

 I consider myself inordinately lucky to have my friends. I have little pockets scattered everywhere and it is pretty much ace. Not only that, but they continue to surprise me.

Take the one I work with who text me at 9pm this evening to ask if I’d like some porridge tomorrow for breakfast when we get into the office because she knows how I’m always running late (10 minutes late this morning – damn the kids being back at school and the bloody A6) and never have time for breakfast.

Or the one who signed my Christmas card xoxo Gossip Girl because of our mutual love for it. And there’s the one who has given me practical advice on the world of running without being horrendously patronising, the other one who came up with the TomScale™.

The one who introduced me to the other meaning of the word “juice” and the one who knows why Booths in Windermere is heaven.

None of the above will mean anything to anyone, but it all means something to me. Snippets of my life that stick in my head. I am not the most sociable of people (trying to improve this!) and I know that quite a lot of the time the excuse of work may not sit that well but it is the honest truth! I don’t even see my own house for as many hours as I would like a week!

What I’m trying to say is I’m sorry if it seems that sometimes I take our friendship for granted. I don’t. I just find it hard to show my appreciation sometimes – please take all of the above as a love letter to you, my friend. I love you, appreciate you, miss you and want to see you a whole lot more in 2012.

Today has been hard mainly because (and this sounds ridiculous) of the weather. The office at work is small and has windows 2 sides meaning with the weather warning worth gales on the Fylde coast it felt like we were on the inside of a washing machine all day.

This coupled with a freezing cold hall in which to eat our lunch meant that more than anything I wanted to be snacking on some rocky road bites from Tesco – I have become very familiar with the world of Tesco Express since I started working where I do.

I didn’t succumb though and stuck with my emergency satsumas. I managed to grab some porridge today because my lovely Mummy J was off work and made me some brekkie. (Yes I live at home, call my mother Mummy and I fricking love it). As previously mentioned the traffic was horrendous, but I got to work and was busy all morning.

Lunch was very cold but warmed up with some of the stew from last night and the standard banana and yoghurt pudding. I flew out of the door at 7 to come home to the 2 waiting pooches (sooo cute!)

Pushed myself out of the door to go on a walk – twice round the block today so walked for half an hour. I didn’t run today because a good friend has told me not to go too extreme so I will continue to run a day walk a day until I feel confident enough to run continuously.

Chilli for tea which was amazing. Still got some allowance left so thinking some rice pud next!

I know it’s pretty boring reading about my meals every day but I need to write them down otherwise I know I’ll begin to not record and cheat!

Have planned my first weekend off of the year at the end of the month – moving to Manchester for the weekend to be taken to the wilds of West Dids. How good a time I’ll allow myself to have will depend on my progress with this health kick!

Thank you so much for reading this and for the continued messages of support, it means the world to me and I will try and be funnier in the posts to come, with maybe some things to entertain!

It’s far too late for me to be up and I’ve just wasted an hour of my life watching the TV show “The Bank Job”, so time for me to head to my bed. Although….a Luke Wilson film has just started on Sky..hmm…tempting….

In the worlds of the mum of the BFF – I’ll see you Anon

Zx

Daily Loves go to – The Grumpy Bear, Li’l J, BFF, BFFSIL, Geeeeraffe

Favourite Hashtag of the Last 24 hours – #desribeyoursexlifewithamovie

Looking forward to – a catch up with a lovely little bundle of Bristolian-ness

Missing – old friends and bygone friendships

Wishing – I had some plans for the next few weeks!

Song of the day – Call It What You Want– Foster The People